Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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