But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
