its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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