I puked a lego.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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