You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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