if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
