Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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