This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You're like the curious george of whores
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
