I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
