The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
