Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
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we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
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I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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