Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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