I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
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i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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