ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hippo gnu deer
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
