i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
