Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
