I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
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I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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