The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
