Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
