At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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