so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
