I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
