Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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