I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
