butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
