The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
