The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
