since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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