Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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