Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
