paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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