Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up under a house in Key West
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize