I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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