i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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