I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
