Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm eating all of the evidence.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
