maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
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there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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