So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize