I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
