honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
