While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
