I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
