can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
