I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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