Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
