It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
