I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
