Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
