what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
