But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
