If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
