My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
