I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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