You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
