I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
