I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
