I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
