Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I faked an abortion last night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
