Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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