capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
