can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I understand Curling. That high.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
