You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
