did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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