we have officially lost it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
