No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
