have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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