11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
