i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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