6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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