hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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