we have pet lesbian snakes
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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