like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
