this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
