Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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