Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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