They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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